Surrender. Clarity. Peace.

I've honestly been dragging out this update on purpose. I feel like I've already shared this 425,852 times over the last few days. Almost everytime I do, I feel like there's a little bit more clarity. I am still totally processing, so if there's some rocky areas, I'm sorry. So, here's a shot!.... 


In the last two weeks, my mind was torturously rocking back and forth in a state confusion & indecision. Particularly in the area of discerning the Lord's direction for outreach; whether He was leading me toward South Africa, or Home. There was a proliferating, pounding sense of unrest in my heart. I didn't want to make a "wrong" decision, & I certainly didn't want to make one for the wrong reasons. I was trying to persevere & ignore the rising feeling of unrest. I didn't feel any resounding of peace about moving forward in either direction. Regardless of my circumstances-peace, or not, I did have trust. Trust in His will. Trust that He would give me peace, that He would protect me from harm, that He would provide for the trip financially-IF that was His will for me. I just felt Him calling me to seek Him & to not lean on my own understanding.


So I did! Through prayer, through His word, through counsel & it all eventually directed me back home. Now looking back, I can see the Lord was speaking clear as day. However, being the human being that I am, I was operating in a bit of pride, doubt & denial. Not only was I trying to logically think through, explain, excuse & rationalize everything, but I was basically telling God what I think He should have me do. Throughout that time I made myself quite miserable! It took me quite some time to swallow my pride & trust Him, but nonetheless, it's has been soooo incredibly worth it. It hasn't been a breeze it doesn't completely make sense to me right now. Yet, I know now, more than ever that it doesn't need to. But I know & trust that His will is perfect.


I was just reminded of this verse in Proverbs 3:5-6


5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
   and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to Him,
   and He will make your paths straight


He certainly has made my path straight! 


His will is perfect.
His will is for my best. 
His will is peace. 
His will is joy. 
His will is trustworthy. 
His will brings me to a deeper dependency & intimacy upon Him.


I read this in My Utmost For His Highest today...


"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading. It is a life of faith, not of intellect and reason, but a life of knowing Who makes us "go." The root of faith is the knowledge of a Person, and one of the biggest snares is the idea that God is sure to lead us to success."


It has truly been a magnificent journey that He has lead me on over the last few months. His gentle lovingkindness displayed in the reality that He brought me to Hawaii is more than I can capture & try and force into words. I did absolutely nothing to deserve His love, protection & affection. He is so good at Who He is & what He does.